just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
