i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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