My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
