I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I lost the right to judge tonight
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
