masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
