i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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