Duck Duck Cougar?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
