If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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