why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
