The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
