Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
