i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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