I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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