i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
