Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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