i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize