I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
