I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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