his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
