Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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