Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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