Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
