Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
These tits shall not be calmed
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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