the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
