We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
