remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
