YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
