Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
