it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
