She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
