I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
