So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
