She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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