First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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