If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
