tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
