I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
id be glad to
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
