the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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