i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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