Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
