If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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