she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
