He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
