Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
