Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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