Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
