You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
