So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
