she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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