Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
