How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
