I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she smelled like a LAN party
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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