Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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