naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
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u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
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I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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