I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
