I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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