Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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