I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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