If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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