3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
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guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
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I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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