Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
