the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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