You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
